I am really bad at new years resolutions and so I try to stay away from them because I let myself down when I don't accomplish them. But I think I found one this year that I really want to accomplish.
Sweet Connie Rainwater and I had an awesome sit down yesterday and talked about a great number of things, one of which my depression. Yep, I think that is one of my biggest problems. I try so hard to not involve others with it, but I am afraid those at home see it and feel it often and keep quiet on my behalf. Poor things. And you can usually tell because I don't do my blog when I get bad spouts of it.
I feel like I have no one I can really talk to about it and so sharing it with her, because she also suffers, was a nice way to open up. And because she suffers as well, she had a wonderful idea that will bring me some inner peace as well as closer to my Heavenly Father.
It is so weird talking about it here because I would rather tell my silly and somewhat odd stories about my children because it is so much more amusing that going on and on about something that is not. But I have set a goal that I will do this resolution and I am making it known.
Connie gave me a book called
He Did Deliver Me from Bondage along with a journal. The book is used with LDS family services for Addiction Recovery, which I don't necessarily have, but as Connie pointed out, negative thoughts about yourself is an addiction that can lead to so many other things, one of which is suicide.(Which I would never do! Watching Travis' family try and recover from Caleb's death was not something I would ever do to my own family. Just pointing that out right her and now!!!)
So I am going to go through this book and start my own addiction recovery. It won't fix the problem, I know this. But it will remind me how much my Heavenly Father loves me and that I am not alone. It will help me realize simple mistakes I make that I can fix. It will also help my fully come to appreciate the Atonement, which I don't fully realize still. And this will give me inner peace. And I am nothing without my Heavenly Father.
Thank you, Connie for just listening, loving me enough to try and help, and for being there when I needed someone!